Leaving Blogger...

I'm not going to stop blogging about my transitioning... I'm just moving my site over to Wordpress.

So if you want to keep following my blog, please change your site feed or bookmarks to reflect the new home: http://transitionallife.wordpress.com/

I look forward to seeing/hearing from everyone over there!

Changing Name at the DMV

Went to the Oregon Department of Motor Vehicles today to get the name changed on my license now that I have the certified copies of the decree. And I have to say that this was probably the best experience I have ever had at a DMV office. Seriously.

I went into the office and up to the lady at the counter who gives you a number and any papers you need to fill out and she seemed to be in a fairly good mood, surprising for any DMV employee. She was quick and efficient, another surprise for DMV... I got the paper I needed and moved along in the line to fill it out. The guy behind me got his number and the lady told him he could join the line "behind the gentleman in the brown." I was wearing a brown button up shirt over a plain white tee today. The line was moving fairly quickly as well and I reached the front of the line in a short amount of time. I was called up to the counter by a gentleman, probably in his late-40s, early-50s, who seemed pretty nice. When I told him what I was there for and gave him all the papers he was going to need in order to prove I was who I said I was, he looked at the papers, blinked and said he was going to need someone to help him. He further explained that he hadn't been working there for very long and this was a new one for him. Very nice the entire time. Got another gentleman to come over and run him through the process. The second guy looked at the papers and asked if I was changing gender marker today as well (told him no as I haven't had surgery yet...) and told me what I would need when I was ready to change the marker. Got everything squared away in the computer, paid my replacement license fee, and headed over to the photo station. That was the part that took the longest. Had to wait for the operator to come back... When someone did come over to start processing photos, he was a really laid back kind of guy. The type of person who is the stereotypical surfer, right down to the speech. Cool guy. He got my new signature for the card and took the picture. Interesting difference between my photos... As Amber would say, in one photo I look like a complete dork and in the most recent one, look like I'm ready to kill someone. I'll post photos once I have my permanent card. Anyways, while we're waiting for the photo to make its appearance on his screen, he asks me "So, dude, how much is a name change now? It used to be $99 but I heard it really went up..." Told him how much and he responded with something about the type of timing I had, with a dude thrown in somewhere. Cost went up at the beginning of this year... What can I say? I've got great timing... Not...

So, a great experience at the DMV was had today. I was sort of nervous about how this was going to go as I've heard some guys having issues with getting records changed. Perhaps I've just found a really good area to live with people who have experience with transpeople...

Name Change!

I have taken yet another step on my journey to become who I am inside. Today I went to the court for my name change hearing. Everything went very smoothly and it really wasn't much of a hearing. Didn't even see the judge, which was kind of nice. I had some anxiety prior to the hearing that I think was mainly due to the thought of having to go up in front of a judge like I did in California when I changed my last name about 5 years ago. I absolutely loath standing up in front of people and talking... My words always seem to desert me at the worst time and I stumble over the simplest things I am trying to convey. I tend to avoid that type of situation at all costs. Once I realized I wasn't going to have to stand up in front of the judge, I relaxed and felt pretty well prepared. Had to have a certified copy of my birth certificate and I realized the night before that the name on my birth certificate didn't match my present name... Probably a good thing I thought to bring my name change judgment from my last name change to clear up any confusion... Pretty packed in the court room today too. It was interesting to see what people decided to wear to court. There were people dressed up like I was with slacks and nice button down shirt and then there were the people in older blue jeans and everyday clothes. There was even a couple getting both of their names changed wearing the same color schemes; faded blue jeans and orange pullovers. Thought you were supposed to dress nicer than everyday clothes for a court appearance... Oh, well...

Anyways, I am now officially Emmett Liam and should be receiving my certified copies of the judgment within 5 judicial days. Kind of wonder what the difference between judicial and business days are...

In other news, I contacted Strohecker's Pharmacy after mailing in my script almost 2 weeks ago and then not hearing from them at all. The pharmacy tech looked me up and told me that they just needed to verify my address and get my payment information from me and they could get everything sent out to me. Irked me that they hadn't contacted me at all (how am I supposed to know when my script got there when I mailed it in? ESP?) but relieved that it is on its way. Hoping that it will be here by tomorrow. I used the last of my cream this morning so I have no more T until my injectable gets here. Really glad that I get to go back on the injectable. The cream wasn't bad but seemed like a little bit of an inconvenience for me. I didn't like the mess and having to remember to apply it every day. Plus it seems to work a little slower than injectable... I just prefer injectable in general.

That's all the fun stuff going on in my life right now. Catch y'all later...

Name Change Update

Just went and filed my paperwork for a name change today. The 2 ladies working on filing my papers (one was in training) were very nice and were referring to me with male pronouns even after seeing my female driver's license. Getting into the courthouse was rather fun... In addition to having to remove wallet, keys, cell phone, belt, and place my hat in the bucket, I also ended up having to remove my shoes. Apparently the metal detector didn't like them... But everything went well and I have a hearing date for March 4th at 9:00 in the morning.

Establishing Myself

I've left my blog far too long on that last post... I meant to update it a couple weeks ago. Of course that was the time my computer decided to be an ass... It's all up and running again so I can finally write some positive updates.

Yesterday I went to a new doctor up here. Needed to establish a patient-doctor base up here and needed a refill of T. Nothing major. I hate going to doctor's offices... Something about the waiting out in the lobby kills me, especially the first time going to a new place. Once I get called back to a room, I'm fine, even if I have to wait a bit in the room. Kind of strange I know. If it weren't for my transitioning, I would have been one of those people who only went to the doctor's either when they are on their death bed or have been ganged up by various members in their life... Actually had a time when both members of my immediate family and co-workers ganged up on me and old me to go see a doctor. Ended up having pharyngitis, laryngitis, and bronchitis all at one time. Anyways, back on track... I initially found Dr. B by looking for trans-friendly doctors in the PDX area. I came across this site for trans- and queer-identified folk (http://www.resourcespdx.org/) that had a great compilation of all sorts of health related practitioners on it. Decided on Dr. B because she appeared to be the most knowledgeable practitioner on the list. Waiting time was about a month to get in to see her.

Upon meeting with her, Dr. B seems to be a no nonsense, very knowledgeable, sometimes abrupt doctor. A type of doctor I prefer to see. She saw that I knew a lot about T and potential side effects and didn't try to lecture me on things I already knew. She definitely works with transfolk a lot. I was her 4th trans-identified person of the day and the day was only half over. As such, the staff were very nice, appeared knowledgeable, called me by my preferred name rather than my legal name (still have to file the paperwork), and were overall just good people. In talking with me, I saw that Dr. B understands the plight of many transfolk - the issue of money. She understands that insurance doesn't cover much, if anything, in terms of transitioning. She doesn't believe in bleeding her patients dry by needing to see them every month or two and doing all sorts of bloodwork like testosterone levels. Dr. B wants to see her patients every 6 months and it seems that the bloodwork she likes to run generally is a CBC. It was recommended that I start taking a baby aspirin daily as T tends to thicken the blood thereby increasing the risk of clots, and that I also start taking a good multivitamin. Dr. B has no problem with me doing injections myself and wrote out a script of injectable T that I can take to Strohecker's pharmacy and have them fill it. Also, the building is full service with a lab and radiology on-site. Ended up getting some blood drawn while I was there as well. They have very experienced phlebotomists working there, hardly felt the prick of the needle. So I'm very happy with where I decided to go for my medical care.

This Friday, Amber and I going to be going to a Trans Revolution Dance Party. Some of my friends from Southern Oregon will be coming up for this and I'm looking forward to spending some time with them and, hopefully, getting to know some other transfolk in the PDX area. I'll let y'all know how that goes.

I hope to be able to file the papers for a legal name change next week. Would have filed this week, except I had my doctor appointment yesterday and there's some class you have to attend... They hold the classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I have Tuesdays off. Plus the cost for a name change increased by about 2/3rds from what it was last year and I already had the doctor visit on this paycheck. So in an effort to spread out the costs a little bit, I will be doing the name change filing next week, as long as everything goes as planned...

That's about it for me right now. I'll keep updating when I can. Oh, and I've been on T for 6 months now.

Invisibilty and Resentment

I'm going to preface this by saying that Amber and I are apart of the kink community and have tried our hands at polyamory. That said...

Lately I have really been feeling invisible. I don't feel connected at all to the one munch group I have had a chance to go to. I don't feel connected to the trans community at larger either. I moved up to Portland largely for the better communities available up here. To be around more transguys. Even the communities I had been involved with before the move just feel distant to me. I'm starting to feel apathetic to so many things... I post videos and blog posts for myself, other transguys, and the population at large. I have managed to connect with just two transguys since I started this blog and my youtube videos over a year ago. I watch other guys' videos, see their fan base and wonder why I can't seem to attract many viewers. The last video I posted got a grand total of 16 views over the past week. I don't care so much about the number of viewers I get. What I really care about is getting some feedback from people. I would love to know that what I write and talk about has some relatable factor to it. I try to reach out to others but get nowhere.

Another thing that has me up late writing tonight has to do with Amber. I'm not sure if I've become more sensitive/defensive to Amber trying to get me to do things or not. That's not the point of this. Tonight, Amber was trying to get me to move faster and go out to walk the dog with her so she could go to bed as she has work in the morning. I was trying to catch up on the tweets that had been accumulating on my phone since I had to go back to work after lunch. Me dragging my feet to get ready isn't really anything new... Something about our little spat tonight just brought me down and almost had me asking yet again the question I have been avoiding asking. I'm not so sure I want to know the answer to the question that has been plaguing me for a while now. There are times when I am so close to asking that one question: Do you ever resent me transitioning? She wants to top and play with others, specifically women. She goes to women only groups and doesn't think she has any interest in cis-penis anymore. She wants to fuck a woman with a strap-on. If that is what she wants, then I am all for it. I would never want to hold her back from expressing herself. Plus we tried polyamory with a cis-guy involved before and I just felt threatened and kind of jealous I think. So it doesn't bother me in the slightest that she isn't interested in cis-guys, or even just their cocks. I do, however, wonder if there is a part of her that does resent this transition. We don't really seem to play much anymore or even really have sex. Granted our lives are still rather hectic... We're still getting used to our daily routines, spend a lot of time in the car commuting, and Amber doesn't really care for her job at all. All of that does tend to lead to exhaustion and stress. It seems as though I often have to initiate many if the things we do do together. Sometimes I get tired of having to be the first one to make a move or constantly be relied on for various things. There are times I just want to give up any control and be at her mercy... Let her do whatever she wants...

Maybe in time, things will change. After all, tomorrow is another day...

New Year...

Another year has finished. What a year it has been...

A year ago I decided transitioning was something I wanted to and could do. And my girlfriend was willing to be by my side the entire way.

Just shy of 11 months ago, I chose my name.

10 months ago, I came out to my sister.

8 months ago, I started seeing J for counseling.

6 months ago, I came out to my immediate family.

Almost 5 months ago, I started testosterone and started a vlog so I could see and hear the changes over time. I also started taking measurements of my body to see how T changed my body.

4 months ago, I finally get my license to be a CVT.

3 months ago, I was laid off from my job in southern Oregon.

2 months ago, I landed a new and better job in the Portland area and moved up here.


Been a pretty eventful year, right? I don't subscribe to the whole New Year's resolutions but I do have a couple of goals for this upcoming year.

My list of desired accomplishments:
Starting injectable T instead of cream
Name change
Getting back into shape
Pay off a good chunk of debt
Top surgery +/- hysterectomy
Gender marker change

I think that's it for me at the moment. Going to attempt updating this blog more frequently this year. Until next time...