YouTube

I have a youtube channel where I will be posting videos in conjunction with this blog. It is mainly for tracking voice changes but I will be giving updates on life in general on there as well. If you want to check it out, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/user/labradork1


I got my first injection today! Check out the youtube video for more information. Catch y'all later!

I'm Alive! Really!

I apologize in advance for not having updated my blog in a while... Plenty to write about though! So without further ado, the updates!

To start things off, I finally came out to my family, namely my mom, on the 6th of July. She came back from the Europe trip and took Amber and I out to dinner. That was stressful... Wanted to talk to her in person that night but she was so exhausted that she passed out shortly after dinner. I ended up writing her a note that I slipped into her bag when I took it out to the car in the morning. She apparently took it rather hard even though it wasn't entirely unexpected. I gave her some time to process her emotions and everything else. My mom wrote me an email that Thursday (the 9th) but unfortunately I didn't see it until about 10 that night (stupid power went out for a couple hours that day... grrrr) and quickly wrote her a short email. Would have like to have said more in the email but I was rather exhausted... The short story of the whole coming out business with my mom is that she doesn't quite understand but is at least accepting. She is trying to use different pronouns and wasn't sure about the name... Amber and I told her that most of our friends that know just call me M... She seemed to toss it around a bit. So far she's kind of avoiding using a name... At least she's trying.

Next topic... I passed my test to become a certified veterinary technician! Now just have to finish the last few things for the state of Oregon and then it will be official.

And last but not least... I saw the nurse practitioner who will be getting me started on T. Got to get blood drawn for some blood work prior to starting T but the prescription will be called in shortly. I go back next Thursday for the first injection and to be taught how to do self-injections! Things are moving fast now! Everything is finally starting to fall into place... Need to start the paperwork to begin the name change process. I plan on telling work after my first injection. Amber helped me take pre-T measurements, pics, and a video clip showing me prior to T. I plan to starting doing clips periodically to see the difference with T. Now that I'm actually going to be physically starting the transitioning process, I promise to update my blog more frequently. On that note, I leave you with the clip of me now:

It's been awhile...

Alright, so I got caught up in studying for the test and life in general... Plus I couldn't really come up with something to make a blog post out of. Still having a difficult time with that so this post will mainly be a catch-up sort of post.

First off, the vet tech test is finished. Now it's just a matter of waiting for the results to come out, which will be in another 4-6 weeks...

Second, my girlfriend and I had to euthanize our old girl on the 27th of June. Her pain meds weren't really doing much for her anymore and we could tell it was time. The day we decided to let her go was one of the better days she had had for quite some time. Amber spoiled her with food that day while I worked (have to work a half-day on Saturdays) and when I came home, I played ball with her and cuddled with her. One of the vets I work with came out to the house so we didn't have to take her into the clinic where Jonna always stressed. We gave her some sedation so everything would go really smooth and the sedation kicked in very quickly... Quicker than sedation given in the muscle usually takes. We figure there must have been something else going on with her like a mass somewhere. We said our goodbyes and held her as she passed away. After she was gone, we let our younger dog, Piper, come out and see her so he would know she was gone. He was pretty depressed the next morning and wanted cuddles the entire day. We're all doing better now and it was for the best.

Third, my mom and sister are out of the country and I will be picking up my mom from the airport tomorrow (sister doesn't come back for another month). This will also be the time that I tell my mom that I am transitioning... We'll play it by ear and see how things work out. If there is a good time to do this in person, I'll do it then. If there isn't a time before she drives back home, I have a letter that I will slip into her suitcase for her to read when she gets home... Either way, I will be coming out to my mom this week. Here's to hoping everything goes okay... Also, probably going to be starting T within the next month or two. Just need to make an appointment with the doctor/nurse practitioner couple my counselor recommended. Amber just went to them for a routine visit and while she was there, asked them if they would be able to get me started on T... Turns out, they've helped other FtMs in the past... Things are looking good from that prospective.

We went rafting with a group of my coworkers and their significant others yesterday and had a blast. I was a little bit nervous as I have not come out at work and was going to be wearing board shorts and a muscle shirt. I stopped shaving months ago and the female coworkers are very feminine and straight in every sense of the word. Things went well though and I was in a raft with my one male coworker (excluding the vets), his girlfriend and sister, sister's friend, and Amber. We all had so much fun, especially when we decided to splash the other raft. Damn I'm glad I wasn't in that raft... You would have thought those girls came to the river to stay dry... Had so much fun that Amber and I are thinking of going out in a smaller raft sometime soon.

I think that is all that I have to talk about for the moment. Looking back, I guess I had more to write about than I thought... Now that life is calming down, I'll try to update this blog more frequently.

Life at the moment...

Wow, it's been a long time since I updated my blog... Oops... Life kinda got in the way.

Since I last updated, I filled out the patient questionnaire and received an estimate for top surgery by Dr. Brownstein. I was quoted $8650 for a double incision chest reconstruction surgery. Ouch. On the plus side, I won't have to fly out anywhere as San Francisco is about 6 1/2 hours from where I live. I am having trouble figuring out how to finance the surgery. Just applied to SurgeryLoans.com about 2 weeks ago... Got a letter from them yesterday saying that they were unable to give me a loan because they were unable to verify my address or phone number. Why won't places accept that there are actual addresses that have 1/2 in them (such as 555 1/2)... They do actually exist! I live at one of them! Going to have to give them a call to dispute this... So right now I am unsure whether to schedule surgery and work on getting a loan secured before the surgery or wait. Top sugery is the one thing that I absolutely without a doubt want to do. If someone came up to and told me I could only do one thing in my transitioning, I would choose top surgery with no hesitation. Sure I want to take T and at some point get some sort of bottom surgery but I would be willing to wait. My chest is the one thing that is preventing me from passing as male well! Sorry for the mini-rant... I feel very strongly about my chest...

In other aspects on my life... I was bit on my wrist by a cat at work a little over a week and a half ago. Damn thing swelled up rather spectacularly... Actually went to see the doctor for that one. In less than 24 hours, it was well swollen and I got some purulent fluid out of it... Didn't want to play with that one considering how close it was to my joint. I had to get an antibiotic injection and a tetanus shot as well. I was put on massive doses of antibiotics that knocked me flat on my ass. For the first 4 or 5 days, I was in bed by 9:30pm which is very usual for me. Usually I am up until 10:30-11:00pm. Wrist finally stopped swelling 4 days after the initial injury. The time that it was swollen sucked. Of course the cat had to bite me on my left wrist (my everything hand) and make everything almost impossible. Made it through that trial and the wrist is almost completely healed.

Haven't made an appointment to see the doctor/nurse practitioner couple who may be able to get me my T... Wanted to wait until I was completely healed to go see another doctor... I'll probably give them a call here soon to see if they will even be able to do that... Money is a little tight right now so I don't want to waste my money.

I have another counseling appointment on the 28th of this month... I'm supposed to write sample letters that I would send to my parents and grandparents. I've been thinking lately that it would be easiest to write a letter... I'm very afraid of losing my family and don't want to be right there if they decide they don't want to have anything to do with me. Definitely want to send a letter to my grandparents since my grandma is so difficult... Guess I will have to sit down and write those this weekend.

I think that is all for my life at the moment... Posts may be sporadic until after the 19th of June. I'm studying my ass off for the test I will take on the 19th to become a certified technician. Hope everything goes well.

Happy Day!

Alright, so I had my first ever counseling appointment today and things went very well. J is easy to talk to and was pretty laid back... didn't have to censor myself when I was talking with her. Today was basically a getting-to-know-you type of day with her asking questions about what the people in my life are like and just some things that popped up while talking about my past. She had some information that she had printed off for me prior to my appointment and wrote down some names and groups that I could check out. J was very glad that I had already started a blog and joined some yahoo groups. She was also impressed with my knowledge on T and could tell that I had been doing my research for a while. We talked for an hour and scheduled another appointment for 3 weeks. So the visit went very well. The best part? She told me I could start T! She gave me the names of a doctor/nurse practitioner couple that she has worked with in the past and told me they would probably be able to help me with obtaining the T. So I guess the next step is to make an appointment over there to talk to them and see if they can write me my first prescription or if I will have to go to an endocrinologist initially.

On another note, after the happiness resulting from the counseling session, I came home to a package. Or rather two packages... My new packers came in today! I'll have to let you know how they work out.

Also went to the gym with a friend (Z) today and will have to get a membership. We workout well together as we keep pushing ourselves in a sort of competition with each other. Ought to help a lot with my motivation issues...

So, a very good day and hope that the upcoming days will be just as good... Guess I'l have to make the pre-T video soon as it appears I will be on T sooner than originally thought...

Progress

Ok, so the therapist I was going to see ended up not panning out. Schedules just didn't mesh. Her last appointment on Saturdays was at 1:00pm and I didn't get off work until then, plus I would have had a 20-30 minute drive on top of that. She also didn't have any prior experience with transsexuals but was willing to work with me. After things weren't going to work out with her, I started looking again at therapists in my area and found one I had somehow overlooked. This therapist (J) has worked with transsexuals before and even helped to start more awareness for mental health professionals in this area. The fee is going to be higher than I was hoping to pay, especially considering my insurance will not cover anything trans-related period. She also follows the HBSOC which was worrying me at first. However I was looking at the SOC Sixth Edition and the standards aren't as harsh/restrictive as previous editions. In the span of about an hour and a half, I was communicating with J via email and now have a counseling appointment scheduled for this Thursday at 1:00pm.

On another note, I ordered my first packers yesterday. I'll update everyone when I get them or when I finish with my counseling appointment on Thursday.

Binder Review

Okay, so the binder definitely has its pros and cons... I got the 997 Double Front Compression Shirt from ftm.underworks.com. I really like how flat this can get my chest. It is going to be nigh impossible to get a shirt that completely flattens my chest considering I have DD-DDD breasts. The overall fit of the shirt is good. However, the shirt is a bit long for me (kinda short over here) and seems to keep rolling up to a spot a little higher than my hips with movement. My job requires quite a bit of movement, especially up and down and lifting animals varying in weight. It really hurts if I don't get a chance to go to the restroom to adjust things for a while (extra compression on areas that don't need compression). The shirt is really dificult to pull over the head until you get used to it (took me 2-3 days to be able to do it on my own) then it is just a pain in the ass. When I first started wearing the binder, the sides cut in just below the armpits and created rub sores. I was watching one of Ty's early videos (DominoAyeJae on youtube) and he had some tips on the wearing of binders. He wore a tight shirt under the binder and that really helped with the chafing under the arms. Also wearing more layers helped with appearances. I tried the shirt under the binder trick and my skin was so much happier. I do notice a slight restriction in lung capacity (surprise, surprise) but nothing unbearable or even hindering.

So some issues with the binder but an overall good product. It does a pretty good job for larger breasted individuals. When the shirt isn't rolling up or chafing, it is actually semi-comfortable for a binder. Still a pain in the ass having to bind though... Can't wait until I can feasibly afford surgery.