27 April 2009

Binder Review

Okay, so the binder definitely has its pros and cons... I got the 997 Double Front Compression Shirt from I really like how flat this can get my chest. It is going to be nigh impossible to get a shirt that completely flattens my chest considering I have DD-DDD breasts. The overall fit of the shirt is good. However, the shirt is a bit long for me (kinda short over here) and seems to keep rolling up to a spot a little higher than my hips with movement. My job requires quite a bit of movement, especially up and down and lifting animals varying in weight. It really hurts if I don't get a chance to go to the restroom to adjust things for a while (extra compression on areas that don't need compression). The shirt is really dificult to pull over the head until you get used to it (took me 2-3 days to be able to do it on my own) then it is just a pain in the ass. When I first started wearing the binder, the sides cut in just below the armpits and created rub sores. I was watching one of Ty's early videos (DominoAyeJae on youtube) and he had some tips on the wearing of binders. He wore a tight shirt under the binder and that really helped with the chafing under the arms. Also wearing more layers helped with appearances. I tried the shirt under the binder trick and my skin was so much happier. I do notice a slight restriction in lung capacity (surprise, surprise) but nothing unbearable or even hindering.

So some issues with the binder but an overall good product. It does a pretty good job for larger breasted individuals. When the shirt isn't rolling up or chafing, it is actually semi-comfortable for a binder. Still a pain in the ass having to bind though... Can't wait until I can feasibly afford surgery.

20 April 2009


Just got my first binder in the mail today. Put it on pretty much right away... Amber had a bit to do with that. Definitely needed her help to put it on. I don't think I will be able to put it on by myself for a while... planning to get a membership at the local YMCA and going to work out with one of my friends. The binder really helps. Without the binder, the widest part of my chest is about 44-45 inches. With the binder, my chest goes to about 40-41 inches. Not bad for having a DD-DDD chest. The look on Amber's face after it was on was pretty good. She told me that she had been thinking that I really look the part now that my breasts are fairly well constricted. Followed by "Damn, he's hot..." Amber also told me that it is so much easier now to call me Emmett and by male pronouns now that I don't have big old breasts staring at her as she is talking. I think I am looking the part more now and the male in me is starting to really shine through. At least now I have something to help me disguise my female parts until I can have them completely and permanently removed. We'll see what the reaction is at work tomorrow...

16 April 2009

Therapist Update!

So I heard back from the therapist today. She has worked with gay and lesbian couples and individuals but does not have experience with transsexual counseling specifically. She is willing and comfortable working with me thorough this time in my life. I think I will email her back and schedule an appointment once I have my insurance straightened out (work changed insurances again and we are still waiting for the rest of the information to be given to us). I don't know how my current insurance is regarding transsexual issues. May need to see if she will use different codes so insurance will process the claim... Hmmm, got to talk to the office manager next time I see her. I'll keep y'all update as things progress.

Also been thinking about doing an audio or video clip just to show what I'm like pre-T... Have to play around with that thought some more...

15 April 2009


May have found a therapist in my area so I can get letters for T and surgery. Waiting for a response back from the lady. Here's hoping.

Also, if anyone has anything they would like me to write about, please let me know. My email address is or you can leave me a comment.

02 April 2009

Feeling Down

Feeling kinda down tonight. Sometimes I wonder if I am enough or will ever be enough for the people in my life, mainly Amber. Got into an argument tonight concerning not listening/remembering things when we talk. There are times that I just cannot remember the things we have talked about, not through willfulness at all. She says things about I don't care what she says and I just don't care (which is completely not true). I love her deeply and care more about her than anything else. There are times that I wonder if I am good enough for her, if I can satisfy her desires and needs. There are times I fear I will lose her to a bio-male. I can't afford to even get a breast reduction surgery and I know it will be a while before I can feasibly start transitioning. I also know that some of what I feel is due to my inability to begin the transition with the exception of close friends and family.

Arguments with Amber always seem to leave me feeling down. Initially in the midst of the argument, I feel anger but as I start to calm down, I start looking at myself critically to see what I could change about myself to avoid arguments like these in the future. I suppose lately I have been looking at myself too critically because it seems like whenever I start thinking about myself, my appearance is the first thing that pops into my mind. I wonder if she would still have these problems with a bio-male and start to doubt myself. I know she is attracted to me for who I am inside, not my outward appearance (mostly) but there are times I have a hard time believing in myself.

Sorry for the emo post. Just had to get things off my chest. I'm going to go to bed now and see if I can start tomorrow with a better disposition.